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Joke of the Day

"I saw a sign yesterday that said, ""Have you seen this man?"" with a little picture of the criminal and a number to call. I was bored so I rung them up and said, ""No, I haven't."""

"Why do they call a bird that lives by the sea, a seagul? Because if it lived by the bay, it would be called a Bagel."

"If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends."

"I lost all my drafts in the last update. Twitter did you all a favor."

"That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is ""act natural, you're innocent""."

"What do you call a pirate's girlfriend? Pirate bae"

"The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6."

"Why was the bodybuilder arrested at the elementary school? Because it was a gun-free zone"

"When people say they did something ""like a boss"" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair"

"I could never cheat in a relationship... That would require TWO people finding me attractive. I can barely find one."