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Joke of the Day

"My dog keeps whimpering at her empty food bowl. So I put her in another room. I'm not sure what that bowl did to her, but it's obvious it upset her."

"Your forehead is so big you donated it to charity for shelter!"

"Five Guys isn't the same when only 3 of them are working."

"I'm writing a research paper on banning shredded cheese in supermarkets and instead only selling cheese is large blocks. The title is ""Make America Grate Again."""

"Why did the calendar die? It's days were numbered."

"Ibuprofenum and Aspirin are running in a race... Suddenly prednisolone passes them and wins first place. Ibuprofenum looks toward Aspirin and mutters: ""fucking steroids"""

"I'll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I'm eating on Instagram."

"My wife's got a latex allergy, so I substituted the condom for a bread bag. Now she's got a yeast infection."

"Did you hear about the gay man who got a job at the sperm bank? He was fired for drinking on the job."

"This is a bit cruel, but one of my favorites: What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The Wheelchair."