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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst part about Necrophilia? The awkward silence."

"Turns out I wasn't in narnia, I was in my dishwasher high on bath salts"

"What do Nate Diaz and Jaime Lannister have in common? They're both Kingslayers and fuck their sisters."

"The bartender says ""Sorry, we don't make that here."" Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar. He gets up and leaves. He takes a seat and orders a Polynesian Pearl Diver."

"How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? I'm gonna need some specs or an outline of the scope, before I can get you an estimate."

"*slowly unwraps a candy bar as neighbor talks about her new diet"

"What's Harambe's favourite retail store? Target"

"[first date] ""So... you didn't mention that you're trapped in 230 million year old amber."" [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]"

"What's the difference between my ex and my toaster? It only takes 120 volts to turn on my toaster."

"so you teens like ""selfies"" huh? well if you picked up a bible now and then you would know god did selfies when he created us in his image"