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Joke of the Day

"""Sir, I need to ask you to please stop spanking your monkey. This is a bank."" ""Fine, but I'm never coming here again. Come on, George."""

"Spiders have it about right. If he doesn't bring her a snack when he courts her it's curtains.."

"What do you get when you hold a mothball in your left hand and a mothball in your right hand? A rather excited moth"

"""I move that we eliminate paper money altogether and use only coins!"" - a stack of change purses disguised as a US Senator"

"Why do pencils shave? To look sharp"

"Rick. Rick is a total lover of Pixar movies. He will lend you any title except for one. He is never gonna give you Up."

"You know you've just had lunch with a narcissist when your neck is stiff from nodding."

"Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it."

"My friend told me he wanted to find the electrical resistance of Jesus. I was like ""Ohm my God!"""

"Leading causes of cancer: 1. Smoking 2. Aging 3. Radiation 4. Diet 5. WebMD"