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Joke of the Day

"I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting.."

"Daughter saw a photo of me at 18 and asked who the pretty girl was. I told her it was her real mother that died giving birth to her."

"'NSFW' Why didn't Mrs. Claus ever have kids? Because Santa always comes down the chimney."

"Waana hear a joke? Women's Rights."

"Life; It's all about finding the next good time."

"Doctor Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear that's a lot of calories !"

"For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders... It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic."

"DJ Daemon maintains the beats in the background."

"""Last call for flight 254"" [Runs to gate] ""You barely made it"" [out of breath] This isnt my flight. I just wanted to tell you I'm a vegan"

"I wish I were poor for one day. Because being poor every day is not something I like waking up to."