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Joke of the Day

"Did I mention ... I can't believe it's nearly Christmas. I once tried to balance a board on two wheels. Did I mention I make terrible segways?"

"What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me, i'm going in."

"Almost Instant Joy Find any Fast Song (Rap to Electro) Click Settings, Crank up the Speed 1.25: 1.5: Instant Twerk Music 2: The 2 is for 2Fast6You Only on Computers. RIP Phone Users"

"""Hey Cyclops are you still dating Jean?"" ""No Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..."" *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*"

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says... ""Why the long face?"" The horse says, ""My wife was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."" The bartender says, ""Holy shit! A talking horse!"""

"Sure my mom birthed & raised me, but I've had to explain how to check her email 95,000 times, so let's just call it even."

"I thought it was you A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, ""You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"""

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack!* ""Fuck!"" A skydiver goes ""Fuck!"" *whack!*"

"When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, ""DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"" People always clap when she wakes up."

"Doctor Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed what can I do? Saw the legs off of your bed!"