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Joke of the Day

"""It wasn't always easy growing up. Sometimes we had to wait .04 seconds for 9 million Google results to load."" - 2044 Presidential candidate"

"[zombie apocalypse] *my girlfriend becomes zombie* More like zom-BAE! Haha hang on I have to tweet that. *is eaten right away*"

"And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom."

"What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday? A merry dairy!"

"The Jewish Dilemma... Free Pork"

"I need a full wifi description before I can even consider coming to your home"

"You can tell that a train has a gambling problem... When it spends all its time at the track."

"If you wanna go and take a ride with me with three women in the floor with the goat cheese."

"What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician? With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed..."

"You guys stole those words from the dictionary."