76703

Joke of the Day

"[job interview] Says here you're good with nicknames? ""I don't wanna brag Super Cool Interviewer Man"" *under his breath* holy shit he's good"

"Q: What do you say to a vampire when he graduates from college? A: Coagulations!"

"What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls? There's only one you can unload with a pitchfork. Edit: Who said something about dead babies?"

"Parachute joke if your parachute doesn't deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it!"

"Don't be sad if you don't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day Most people don't have AIDS on World AIDS day either."

"Why is Dick Clark a favourite star with horses? Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!"

"What part of a fish weighs the most ? It's scales !"

"Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find."

"Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics.... ...don't elect a joke. (Credit to Bo Burnham)"

"What do you call the richest person in the soup industry? A boullionaire"