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Joke of the Day

"Wife told me to stop obsessing over monkeys I thought she was joking, then I saw her face"

"What do you call a skeptical horse? A neigh-sayer. Sorry"

"What does the south call friends with benefits? Cousins....."

"Sorry I booped your nose during your meltdown .."

"Did you hear that the energizer bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery."

"Where did Stephen Hawking find his wife The vegetable isle"

"OPRAH AND AIRPORT SECURITY Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested? A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack."

"Before saying anything like ""you have really soft hands for a man"", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man."

"Apparently a lion has won a talent show in South Africa The judges said it had roar talent"

"How come about the ""About the Author"" never includes anything negative? ""He was born in Indiana where he's widely regarded as a scumbag."""