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Joke of the Day

"Me: Pack your bags.I won the lottery! G/F: Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff? Me: Doesn't matter, just get out."

"Why is there no life on Mars? No WiFi..."

"There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon."

"How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card."

"What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty? ""Are you my mother?"""

"What does the right kidney say to the left one when he is mad at the other? Don't make me stone you to death.."

"How do you spot two bffs in prison They finish each other's sentences"

"It turns out there IS a natural birth control that's 100% effective. You have to more than just careful with it... Fact is, you have to be totally anal."

"If you ever need anything, just ask. But also, please never need anything."

"Deja Moo I feel like I've heard this bull before..."