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Joke of the Day

"CW: I spent all weekend raking leaves. Me: I don't rake. CW: Leaves will kill your grass! Me: I wonder how grass survived before humans."

"There was two muffins. They were put in the oven One muffin says to the other muffin, ""wow its hot in here!"" The other muffin said ""WHOAH, A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"What does Bill Gates call his manhood? Microsoft."

"It would have been way more anticlimactic if the video game had been called ""Where in the World is Carmen? San Diego."""

"I just got a bunch of cool apps and games for my Windows Phone"

"A banker tells his client that a 1,000,000 investment will turn into a ton of money! So the the client asks ""How much is a ton of money"" The banker responds ""Two Thousand Pounds"""

"Thinking about getting married? My wife got mad at me for doing all the yard work because we are in a fitbit step challenge together."

"Somebody keeps on putting topsoil on my allotment. The plot thickens..."

"What's the worst thing about being Thai? Everyone automatically assumes you have a small dick, even though you're a female."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Biafra ! Biafra who ? Biafra'id be very afraid !"