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Joke of the Day

"First they came for the people who say ""Awesome sauce,"" and I said nothing, because, frankly, those people deserve it."

"A baby seal walks in to a club. . . ."

"Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can't help but think, ""Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you."""

"How long do you need to know someone before sharing fries? Because I'm about to introduce myself to the girl at the end of the bar."

"Why did the monkey trip over the branch? Because the Chimp-Can't -See"

"What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar? May I push your stool in?"

"Stop eating all the shrimp, Sean Connery It's shellfish."

"You're like school in the summer... No class."

"why is being in the mafia and administering cunnilingus similar one slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit"

"Just remember, you can't please everyone. So just focus on what's important, pleasing me."