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Joke of the Day

"So, let me get this straight. You boast that you shagged my Mum, and I'm supposed to get you a Fathers Day card to say 'thanks'?"

"11 million Americans spend half their income on steam ... In June."

"You know what they say about non sequiturs... I LOVE pineapple upside down cake! (I just made this up today, and I'm so proud. I told my coworkers, but they told me to stop doing drugs.)"

"Did you hear about the stupid woodworm? He was found in a brick."

"""Lord, can I have a pony?"" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it."

"Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? he had a reptile dysfunction..."

"You should never trust a molecule They make up everything."

"My ex had a really weird fetish... She would dress as herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"Irritating An irritating friend took a drink from my wife's beer and said, ""Ha,Ha, this is one step from kissing your wife!"" ""Yes it is,"" I replied, ""and two steps from sucking my dick."""