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Joke of the Day

"So I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar... and accidentally wrote a One Direction song."

"I thought I defeated this dragon, but he's been following me around... I beat him off with a sword"

"Someone just corrected my ""good morning"" with a ""good afternoon"" so I said, ""go to hell you clock watching motherfucker""."

"What do you call a couple, who are both in wheelchairs? A pair of polegics!"

"A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off. Headline in the local newspaper next day read, ""Nut Screws Washer and Bolts""."

"The cops came to my house claiming my dog chased someone down on a bike! I explained to the idiots that my dog doesn't own a bike."

"Two utensils are laying in bed... One turns to the other and says ""wanna spoon?"" The other replied, ""no, I'd rather fork."""

"What do they say about the noise at the Burger Land Super Bowl? It's PAN-demonium!"

"A guy spilt his cup of milk on me How dairy!"

"Q: What lottery did the broom win? A: The sweepstakes."