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Joke of the Day

"My favourite Halloween joke: ""I was going to dress up as Jian Gomeshi but I figured that would be too creepy."""

"What did one turnip say to the other? We're white and bulbous, just like America"

"Why are Mistborns always so thin? Because they're always Burning calories!"

"[walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids."

"What animal gets applauded? The mosquito."

"Did you know that you're allowed to pull over a cop on your birthday? Try it!"

"why didn't the bicycle cross the road? because it was two-tired."

"My credit has gotten so bad... ...that Mastercard started sending me bills in Spanish."

"I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs"

"Fun Fact: A burrito will never sleep with your best friend behind your back."