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Joke of the Day

"Don't talk down to me just because I'm drunk on tequila. That's Patronizing."

"my 2 yr old today: Mom how'd you get past the cognitivie dissonance of having me even tho climate change will render the world uninhabitable"

"Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes? It would only admit one."

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!"

"Why do elephants drink? Well, mostly to forget....."

"Why was six afraid of seven Because seven was a registered six offender"

"My daughter doesn't know I put the last pudding cup in her lunch earlier this evening, so she won't know I took it out and am eating it now."

"What is the difference between a snowman and a snowlady? Snowballs!"

"I don't drink anymore. Cocaine is a Hell of a drug!"

"What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel? arggg! thar she blows"