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Joke of the Day

"Black eye Tom: ""Hey buddy, howya do...whoa! who gave you that black eye? Sam: ""My wife"" Tom: ""I thought she was out of town for the weekend."" Sam: ""So did I."""

"Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks? Because he was Legoless"

"If i cut off my right butt cheek will i be left behind?"

"What's the greatest trick the Austrians ever pulled off? It was to convince the world that Mozart was Austrian and that Hitler in fact was German."

"My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate."

"RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :("

"I hate when my iPod earbud cord gets hung on an object and it violently rips the earbud out and I get that murder-y feeling."

"How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs."

"have to stop saying ""how am i going to kill my way out of this one"" everytime there is trouble going on, or at least not out loud"

"I was talking to a nice young women last night, she asked me if I like breast or legs. I told her what I really like is a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not allowed in KFC anymore."