1110

Joke of the Day

"have to stop saying ""how am i going to kill my way out of this one"" everytime there is trouble going on, or at least not out loud"

"How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar? Both enjoy cracking open a cold one."

"NICK CANNON: hello and welcome to america's got talent HAWK: [hiding his talons behind his back] i misunderstood the title of this show"

"please, Frankenstein was my creator's name; call me The Monster"

"I asked the waitress if she wanted a good tip and a quickie. She said: Just the tip."

"""I love plates."" - Plato"

"Astrology Fact of the Day (Aquarius) Aquarius, with an extra M becomes aquariums."

"I asked a girl to kiss me under a mistletoe and she said she wouldn't kiss me under anesthesia."

"Did you hear about the woman who had to quit her job as an air traffic controller to date a monk? She got out of the flying plans and into the friar."

"The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don't know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about."