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Joke of the Day

"They're going to start playing porn at the fuel pumps.... This is so you can watch someone else being fucked at the same time as you."

"Woman hit by train Whats a train doing in a kitchen? (Sexist but creative, not meant to offend anyone.)"

"""I might be a sex virgin but I'm not a virgin at AWESOME MAGIC TRICKS!"" *trips on cape, knocks over table with punchbowl & cookies*"

"*calls lost & found* Me: Have you seen my patience? L&F: Hold on a second. Me: *click*"

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume ? Because they are ugly and they stink !"

"I never feel more American than when Hulu makes me pick my ""advertising experience."""

"I cheated on my 24 year old girlfriend I apologized and told her my mistress is half the woman she is. ""That's because she's 12!"", said my girlfriend."

"[first date] HER: What are you doing with the Tupperware? ME: [filling container] The sign says 'All You Can Eat', it doesn't specify when"

"What do you call introverted hobbits? Shyer folk"

"I Remember The Guy Who Made Me Smile For The Rest Of My Life He's the reason why I don't do plastic surgery anymore."