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Joke of the Day

"when you drink too much, you may get whiskey dick. a less well known concern is when you use painkillers, however, and you get poppy-cock"

"Whenever I have sex, it's a race to see who comes first. Me or the police."

"How do you call a spiritually significant Polish guy? Totem Pole."

"Whatever you do in life, give 100%... unless you're giving blood."

"Love is a lot like magic, both are fake and there's always some asshole trying to ruin the illusion for you."

"If a meteor goes to a restaurant, Would he prefer his sandwich to be vegan, or even meteor?"

"I don't know how to spell Armaggedon But who cares - it's not the end of the world!"

"Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face."

"I often think if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now."

"What do you get when you cross an iPad with a Christmas Tree? A PiNEAPPLE! Get it? ;-D"