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Joke of the Day

"How many potato's does it take to kill an Irishman? None."

"Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware."

"The date had been magic. We moved to her couch & kissed. That's when horror struck as my eyes locked on the Duck Dynasty DVDs on her shelf."

"Why hasn't anyone invented alcohol that acts as birth control too?"

"Why do women have orgasms? Because it's just another chance for them to moan."

"Breaking News: Reliable sources reveal that Donald Trump is actually Cthulu. The absurd hairdo isn't absurd at all. It hides the tentacles."

"*Plots revenge by getting a job at a fast food restaurant and waiting for nemesis to drive thru and not putting a straw in their bag*"

"Her: omg, I'm SO happy for you! Me: *shaking head* No, no, no... I said I got 'enraged', today. Not 'engaged'."

"*2 year old runs by screaming* *72 ducks chasing her* ""YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE BREAD."""

"If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes."