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Joke of the Day

"I got fucking hammered last night so I made sure I took the bus home It was ok, except for all the passengers screaming at me to stop driving."

"If honey is supposed to be so great for your voice, why does it sound like Winnie the Pooh has been shotgunning bleach?"

"A Frenchman has a wife and a lover He loves his lover the most. An Englishman has a wife and a lover, he loves his wife the most. A Jewish man has a wife and a lover, he loves his mother the most."

"What do you call a fat cop? A fuzz ball"

"I took a poetry class at an all-girls school It was called Girls Gone Wilde."

"Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today."

"""Russel Brand reports he keeps being told he needs to shake up his image"" or, as people have been phrasing it 'Rustle brand'."

"A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what do you do with a phone without service? You play games."

"They tried it standing up, sitting down and bent over the kitchen table but it was no good - they just couldn't get a decent wi-fi signal."

"How many dyslexics does it screw to take in a light bulb?"