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Joke of the Day

"If honey is supposed to be so great for your voice, why does it sound like Winnie the Pooh has been shotgunning bleach?"

"What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards? In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade."

"This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions. I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy"

"Spell icup Why the FUCK are you watching me urinate?! FUCK YOU!!!!!"

"Why did the guy take his time setting up a premature ejaculation support group? He didn't want to go off half cocked."

"What do you get if you share your Earbuds with all your friends? Hearing AIDS."

"If you want a pretty nurse, you've got to be patient."

"So a deer walks out of the woods and says... That's the last time I will ever do that for two bucks"

"When life gives you melons You might be a woman"

"Whenever two people argue over something, yell out ""OBJECTION"" and then contradict the one wearing something you don't like."