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Joke of the Day

"Did you see the frog perform in the opera last night? Why yes, she was absolutely ribbeting."

"No need to write it down, I've a photographic memory *looks hard af* *pukes polaroid*"

"Guys. GUYS! Every issue of National Geographic is now on DVD-ROM. FINALLY! God I've missed masturbating to sweet aborigine pancake titties!"

"At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours."

"A boring midget asked for advice picking up the ladies I said all you need to do is get a little personality"

"What are your views on abortion? I'm undecided. On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice."

"LAWYER JOKE whats the difference between a lawyer and a liar? liars sometimes unknowingly speak the truth"

"[Inventing Cotton Candy] What if insulation was delicious?"

"""Would you like to put your hand deep into this hole"" - Pokemon I know it says no outside links but it's necessary cause it's a screenshot of a poorly phrased event in Pokemon http://imgur.com/a/Zt8X6"

"Whenever I go to delete an app on my iPhone, I like to pretend the shaking icons are all screaming loudly in panic over who's getting axed."