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Joke of the Day

"Why would John Wilkes Booth kill Abraham Lincoln? You would too if the guy in front of you at the Theatre was wearing a Top Hat!"

"What meme do Uber drivers hate? Do you even Lyft, bro?"

"What do you call thrusting a hairy rod in and out of your mouth really fast then afterwards spitting out a white liquid? Brushing your teeth"

"I'm half-French and half-American, but I know my heart is American, do you know why? Because if it were French it would stop working!"

"CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic? CANADIAN: What's that about? AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank"

"What's a storm trooper's favorite date? March 4th"

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts cost $2.00, but deer nuts are under a buck!"

"the guy who named the spatula was so lazy. hes like ""what should i call this thing that spatulas?"""

"That's one healthy flower bed you've got blooming in your backyard. How many bodies do you have buried there? -My attempts at small talk."

"somebody took my dog while we were waiting in line at the vet i cried out ""Somebody stole my Spot!!"""