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Joke of the Day

"Take your height in centimeters and multiply it by the number of people from whom you have received oral sex. There's your credit score."

"All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes, and tell me it's ok to get out of her bushes."

"What's the fastest way to get to a woman's heart? A knife."

"What did the constipated mathematician do... ...worked it out with a pencil"

"Y'all know what they call Jamaica? Grease of Western Hemisphere. Disclaimer: Does anyone here know where this is from? Heard my friend say it, was wondering where he got it from."

"What are sardines? A little fish that smells like fingers."

"I haven't had bread in 3 weeks. I look great but now all I think about is bread. I'm basically a duck at this point."

"Just once I'd like to yell, ""Don't you know who I am?!"" because I'm important, not because I'm drunk and actually forgot."

"So I fucked this bitch last night, but she was really clingy. I asked a friend for his insight, he said ""Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that sometimes."""

"I'm not saying she's a sl*t but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head."