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Joke of the Day

"Neighbor's kid just asked me 2 fix his computer. I was gonna tell him 2 come back tomorrow but I saw the look of ""I need porn"" in his eyes."

"[at party] friend: is dave coming? me: cool dave or dave who likes watering holes & has amnesia? Dave: well, well, well..who do we have here"

"I stole Stephen Hawking's wheelchair today I thought it was hilarious, he had nothing to say on the matter."

"My wife walked in on me and found me f***ing our daughter... I didn't know what she found more disturbing, the fact I was f***ing our daughter, or that the abortion clinic sold me her fetus."

"People get so weird when I step on the gym scale behind them, naked."

"Every woman I've ever been with only saw me the way they wanted to see me... ...in their rearview mirror."

"What does a snowman eat for dinner? Ice-burgers."

"VW have got in2 trouble 4 falsifying data, apparently this is not d first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying abt gas emissions"

"Decent One Liner! A seal walks into a club."

"Have been woken up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbour's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving."