74924

Joke of the Day

"I couldn't find my credit card this morning. Someone must have swiped it. I'm sorry."

"Super hot girl working the snack stand at the theater ... and I just ordered a ""cockporn with extra butter"". Thanks brain."

"One of the rudest things you can do is make eye contact with someone eating McDonald's in their car."

"Browsing this sub is like mining in a cave Full of bat shit and I mostly get the same things over again, but it's worth the occasional gold I find."

"Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. "

"What is a berry's favorite farewell? ""Acai you later!"""

"What's the difference between spit and swallow? A firm grip on the back of her head."

"PREGNANCY TEST! Girl: Dad, what's better? to pass or to fail? Dad: To pass obviously Girl: OH GOOD, YOU'LL BE PROUD OF ME! I PASSED MY PREGNANCY TEST!"

"What do you call a lycanthrope you've snuck up on? An unaware wolf."

"I just said, ""who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?"" and I died a little on the inside."