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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Taureans don't like to change anything."

"If a dentist makes his money off unheathly teeth,why should I trust a toothbrush 4 out of 5 dentist approve?"

"From my 6yo Me (after having taught her subtraction): ""So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"" ""They're just two different numbers!"""

"Boss: I suspect one of you is dead [Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]"

"What is WRONG with you??? Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything"

"*catches son swearing through sign language* ""We don't use that language in this house"" *hands him hand sanitizer* ""You know what to do"""

"My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in."

"What are the four most common types of states of matter? Solid, gas, liquid and Black Lives."

"My birthday is coming up and I'm mostly just anxious about all the people on Facebook who are about to pretend to like me."

"How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn? They kick a Can"