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Joke of the Day

"Finally some good news for the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370. Their luggage has landed safely in Manchester."

"I'm not the jealous type. And no I don't know why every time you talk to someone the police find their body dumped in a river the next day."

"Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team ? He took too long to put his boots on !"

"I once made a belt out of herbs. It wasn't very useful and just ended up being a waist of thyme."

"What song do they play at a Jehovah's witness funeral? Knock, knock, knockin on Heavens door"

"I never really got the concept of exact change... It just never made cents."

"Where will you find the most powerful man in Los Angeles? Watts."

"Dear Stephanie on Facebook, I do not care that you are watching The Breakfast Club. I only want to know what channel it's on."

"How does Liam Neeson like his martini? Taken, not stirred."

"So embarrassed... ...thought sombody cute was staring at me so i stared back. But then i realized we were both just the negative space around a vase"