201471

Joke of the Day

"So embarrassed... ...thought sombody cute was staring at me so i stared back. But then i realized we were both just the negative space around a vase"

"How did they keep the pilot out of the cockpit? With an Allahu Lockbar."

"""No, Dad, Vampire Weekend is not like Shark Week..."""

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship."

"Waiter: Is Pepsi okay? Coke: everybody cares to ask about Pepsi. Nobody asks how I am *coke storms off angrily*"

"We basically broke up with Pluto by saying it wasn't a planet anymore then spent 9yrs obsessing about it & just drove by its house real slow"

"I walk the walk. I talk the talk. But mostly I sit the sit."

"Were all addicted to something whats your addiction"

"What is the scientific name for a crippled tyrannosaurus rex ? Tywalkasoreus Rex"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay 40 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."