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Joke of the Day

"Dear Stephanie on Facebook, I do not care that you are watching The Breakfast Club. I only want to know what channel it's on."

"My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Rather a few layers."

"*Spoiler Alert* Siamese cats are just one cat, not two cats in one."

"If you stare in a mirror long enough and start screaming, you'll see angry faces of figures dressed in orange. *only works at Home Depot"

"I bought a new boomerang... and went damn near crazy trying to throw the old one away!"

"Why was Mark Fuch a terrible mailman? He keeps delivering to the wrong fuching address!"

"what goes thump thump thump squish thump thump thump squish a Caterpillar with one wet sneaker."

"Eating broccoli is a lot like anal sex... If you're forced to have it as a kid, it's less enjoyable when you're an adult."

"Did you hear about the two fat guys who ran in the marathon? One ran in short bursts, the other in burst shorts."

"My boss came up to me..... My boss came up to me and told me ""don't dress for the job you have but dress for the job you want"" so I dressed up as Batman, the bastard said I was fired"