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Joke of the Day
"What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana's head before she died? The Dashboard"
Next Joke
"""What time is it?"" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*"
"Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing."
"One day we'll open Twitter & it'll just say: Thanks for playing! Hope you enjoyed this social experiment. Now apologise to your loved ones."
"I hope Jackie Chan doesn't go the way of Eddie Murphy... I probably wouldn't be able to discern if he was playing every character in a movie or not."
"What is the difference between a Chicken and a Prostitute? The Chicken says ""Cockadoodaldoo"" The Prostitute says ""Any COCK will do"""
"I'm going to the hospital tomorrow...not because I'm sick, but because they have free pudding if you're fast enough."
"[therapy] ME: *in tears* So anyway, that's why I think she left me PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family"
"How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook? She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece."
"[marriage counseling] She thinks I'm stupid ""He covers himself in baby powder before we have sex"" HOW ELSE DO YOU MAKE A BABY, KAREN?"