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Joke of the Day

"Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me."

"My wife said that I'm a lousy lover... How can she know that after only two minutes?"

"Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because they can't fit in d-shells. Edit: re wording"

"Why did the campfire turn into a forest fire? It wanted to get off its ash."

"The good news is, that bag of clothes from 1998 that I still haven't taken to the donation centre...they are back in style now."

"If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary."

"What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile."

"At my 16th birthday party, 1 guy came as a bunch of balloons, another as an untouched table of snacks & another came as an empty church hall"

"It sucks not being miserable enough to bust out a good tweet."

"What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis"