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Joke of the Day

"At my 16th birthday party, 1 guy came as a bunch of balloons, another as an untouched table of snacks & another came as an empty church hall"

"What do Lewinsky, Monroe, and Reddit have in common? They all went down on a President."

"Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW."

"A bully, a baby, and a carrot walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""What'll you have, Mr. Boehner?"""

"Vegetarians maliciously starve animals by competing with them for the same food."

"If I could, I would avoid every conversation by making that beeping truck sound while slowly backing away from people as they approach me."

"I heard someone talking about all the potential health benefits of doing yoga, but I think it's a bit of a stretch."

"I call my weed the Quran... Because burning that shit will get you stoned"

"I wish I was getting a divorce. Because it would mean someone once loved me enough to marry me."

"My Mom keeps warning me about talking to strangers on the Internet. I'm 34 now Mom. I don't talk to them. I sleep with them."