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Joke of the Day

"I kinda want one of those priest collar thingys. If it gets me through airport security fast AND keeps kids away from me. I'm in."

"What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl? A budgerigrrrrr!"

"I'm making a fortune out of promoting home security systems. The pitch is easy. All I do is say ""Good morning"". At 3am in the morning whilst sitting on the end of their bed."

"If a restaurant can afford to advertise on national television, you should never eat there"

"[ambulance] medic: sir do you need oxygen me: no dying is fine"

"What do you call clothes for a car? A tire."

"Someone call a knight in shining armor... cuz today's a draggin."

"Telling people my costume is Obama's birth certificate. If they say I have no costume, I fucking explain the facts to that racist fuckbag."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ... Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"What did the magician say to the aerial student? I work on a different plane"