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Joke of the Day

"Telling people my costume is Obama's birth certificate. If they say I have no costume, I fucking explain the facts to that racist fuckbag."

"I like my beer, like I like my violence Domestic"

"Me: Play dead My Dog: *drives to my office and starts doing my job*"

"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."

"What do you call a shirt you hate? *Cloathed*"

"Hey, Can I take you to Hogwarts? Because I'm 9 and 3/4."

"An Anus Gets into a fight with two guys at a bar He rectum"

"2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers... carry on."

"What do an old cars and pasta have in common? They're both al dente."

"Everyone is freaking out because I brought my own gavel to court, no one knows if I'm allowed to do this, the judge is crying"