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Joke of the Day

"What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier."

"Cow with a twitch, beef jerky."

"What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta"

"i'm the girl your mom warned you about... long nails, big eyes, purple tongue, green skin. i'm reptar. i'm reptar from rugrats."

"Need hospital etiquette advice. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?"

"What do you call a laughing labradoodle? A snickerdoodle."

"A celebrity died? Better take this opportunity to tell everyone a very personal story about that one time you saw them eating falafel."

"She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops."

"When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that ""totally weird"" text you got from your ex last night."

"I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision I only had regular vision"