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Joke of the Day

"What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier."

"I love cheese! Cheese: I have a boyfriend"

"""A bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate. The barman says ""That'll be 80p [ATP]!"""

"I hope Prince Harry and Emma Watson last because if they have a son, it will be the half-blood prince."

"What do you call a sad coffee? A depresso"

"You can drink lava But only once"

"The NSA is to blame for obesity in The United States. Because the camera ads 10 pounds."

"Mrs. Smith: Help me doctor! My son John swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!"

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later."

"I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought ""what would Jesus do?"" ... so I turned it into wine."