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Joke of the Day

"When I was growing up I never knew what I wanted to be, now that I'm older I know that it's younger."

"Welcome to the Geology Department Have a gneiss day!"

"I love going to the dentist. He fills all my cavities. Then checks my teeth."

"How do you keep someone in suspense?"

"A third-party vote walks out of a bar... He says ""Wow, I'm wasted."""

"I knew someone who poured milk before the cereal..... He was a cereal killer"

"When I hear ""This call is being monitored for quality assurance"" I think ""Cool, let's see how bad this person wants their job."""

"What's the difference between a baby and a feminist? I don't want to punch the baby in the fucking face."

"Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, ""Did you bring the lube?"" As loud as possible."

"as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money"