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Joke of the Day

"[on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU"

"I treat my women like I treat my cereal Spoon first to get it wet, then eat it. P.S. I love fat chicks."

"What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas!"

"What's the difference between an egg and a root? You can beat a good egg"

"I knew the psychic was a fraud the second she accepted my check"

"Unless you can explain how you know me in three words or less, Facebook Friend Request: DENIED."

"Why was the World Trade Center in a hurry? It had a plane to catch."

"*put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact*"

"I know many chemistry jokes... But im afraid they wont get a good reaction."

"If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on too."