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Joke of the Day

"[on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU"

"""Don't dip your pen in company ink."" - HR training seminar explaining why I shouldn't sleep with the receptionist...I think."

"Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those ""evolutionary things"" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink."

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Mike rolled around in the mud. Wanna hear a clean joke? Mike took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a sexy joke? Bubbles is the girl next door."

"A man's work is never done. ""...Something both men and women can agree on!"""

"IDK Blonde: ""What does IDK stand for?"" Brunette: ""I don't know."" Blonde: ""OMG, nobody does!"""

"Thanks for the gold! I'm an optimistic guy."

"What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin? They became flatman and ribbon. /u/realhermit has left the building."

"Why can't rappers rap about nice things? YEAH GIRL I'm GOING TO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHS AND ....... Give them to a homeless guy because he's cold"

"I was suddenly awoken with a blowjob this morning. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open."