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Joke of the Day

"I told my BF I dreamt he got me a ring for my birthday. Later, I found a wrapped box from him, with a book entitled ""the meaning of dreams""."

"Is your refrigerator running? Because if so I would vote for it."

"If you need anything you can call me any time of the day or night. I won't answer and my ringer will be off, so it won't bother me at all."

"A high schooler told his geology teacher that.. ""geology rocks!"" The teacher's response? ""that's Gneiss, but it's too bad you're so schist at it"" #\#rokt"

"I tried to learn how to play the drums. but i'm just a beat off."

"What do you call a skinny person with a lisp Methed up"

"Lesbian dinasour What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapuss"

"Little Sally walks into the kitchen and finds a naked guy there. ""Are you the new babysitter?"" she asks. ""No I am the new motherfucker."" the man replies."

"Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."