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Joke of the Day

"""If he told you to jump off a bridge would you do it?"" ""No, because i'm not fucking crazy mom."""

"Which former pop star would be most likely to help deliver a baby? Paula Ab-doula"

"So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses..."

"One Direction."

"Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)"

"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Both have a 1 in 2 millon chance of being a person someday."

"I set my GPS voice to Mom, and now when I miss a turn, it says ""Your sister wouldn't have missed that."""

"What do you call a fight between two dairy products? A fromage fray."

"Two atoms walking down the street ... ... one turns to the other and says ""I think I've lost an electron"". The other replies ""F*ck me, a talking atom!"""

"The fact Michael Jackson had to ask Annie if she was OK nearly 100 times in four minutes makes me think she probably wasn't OK."