73988

Joke of the Day

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... ...because they always take things literally."

"How do you confuse a gay? Seven"

"whats the name of the app? Q: Name the app for which all the USERS must be LOSERS? A: TINDER"

"A cure has been found for homosexuality. Lip balm you rub it on your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away."

"9: ""Mom, that's a pretty necklace. Can I have it?"" Me: ""No, I got it as a gift."" 9: ""Well, can I have it when you die, then?"""

"[maintains eye contact while slowly rearranging the dishwasher]"

"Girl: So, your dating profile says you enjoy long walks by the sea & making ur own wine? Jesus: ON Girl: What? Jesus: Long walks ON the sea"

"*Librarian walks in* You know what's great kids? You don't need wifi to read a book! *Kids boo* *Someone in the crowd yells ""NERD""*"

"Apostrophes are important. ""I fed the dog"" ""I f'ed the dog"" Learn this simple rule. Your friendship with Sarah McLachlan depends on it."

"[deathbed] Son....come closer ""Yes dad?"" We need a new man of the house ""I'd-"" *presses fake mustache into his hands* Give this to your sister"