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Joke of the Day

"If I ever fire someone who is a Taylor Swift fan I'll say ""I knew you were trouble when you clocked in."""

"i asked ""where"" I work in a hospital. I once asked a confused patient if she had pain. She said yes. I said ""Where?"" She said, ""San Diego."""

"I'm reading a book about poltergeists. It's a real page turner."

"Nitrogen Monoxide Having Nitrogen Monoxide as parents would really suck. Every time you ask them for something, they'd just be like, ""NO""."

"How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark..."

"My 5 year old just ended a phone call with ""I gotta jump, Daddy. I'm out."" And now everyone in my house is officially cooler than me."

"A red dot walks into a bar. Period."

"I asked Rick Astley for a movie... I asked him to borrow some movies. He said ""sure what movies do you want?"" I asked him for the movie 'Up'. He started singing. ""Never gonna give you Up!"""

"A #colon has only two job options: become a punctuation mark, or work for an asshole."

"I am willing to promise my kids anything just so they go away for a while. I learned that trick from the government"