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Joke of the Day

"I'm reading a book about poltergeists. It's a real page turner."

"Why was the plant embarrassed? It soiled itself. *Buh dum ts* *Dodges tomatoes*"

"""That's me in a nutshell."" A peanut's photo album."

"Why did Kim Jong Un Instagram his missile? It was the only way he could send it."

"What does Joe Pesci order at Burger King? An angry wopper."

"What does a cow do after a break up? Mooves on."

"Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won't."

"Why did the blonde avoid eating cereal? Every box had, in huge letters, ""0mg cholesterol!"""

"""Boint, B-U-R-N-T, boint."" - mafia spelling bee."

"A wife comes home and says, ""Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery!"" The guy says, ""Great darling. Should I pack for the ocean or the mountains?"" She says, ""I don't care, get out!"""