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Joke of the Day

"HER:He doesn't trust me. THERAPIST:How so? HER:He's always spying on me. ME (dressed as Therapist):Really? THERAPIST:WTF HER:WTF ME:WTF"

"My wife worships me She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday"

"Time Magazine lists the 140 best Twitter feeds. Maybe later my fax machine will list the best smartphones."

"I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work"

"Yo mama is so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill."

"You think you can take me, tough guy? I'd like to see you try. Seriously, anywhere fun you might be going. Take me with."

"How did Harry Potter cross the road? Walking Jk rolling"

"Two things went wrong today 1. My Wife got ran over by a bus 2. I lost my job at the bus company"

"When is a door not a door? When it's a jar."

"Interviewer: ""Are you proficient with Microsoft Office?"" Interviewee: ""Word."""