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Joke of the Day

"You think you can take me, tough guy? I'd like to see you try. Seriously, anywhere fun you might be going. Take me with."

"My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is."

"Sex can burn 200 calories an hour. I better go on a diet."

"I went as a congressional bill for Halloween.... I stayed in the House and didn't do anything."

"Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!"

"Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects."

"My neighbor's wife asked me if I wanted to help make her husband jealous... I said ""sure!"" and hung myself in the bedroom closet."

"The only thing worse than finding out you were given up for adoption would be finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up."

"Hey, smiling strangers. No thanks."

"So I'm taking a Terrorism and Covert Politics class Pretty sure I bombed the midterm."