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Joke of the Day

"How to capture an elephant step 1 dig a hole. step 2 fill the hole with ash. step 3 surround it with peas. step 4 when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole!"

"A chicken and an egg are laying in bed... When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says "" Well I guess that answers that question."""

"Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat."

"Business plan: 1) Spend 20 years mastering karate 2) Teach karate class, so you meet people who don't know karate 3) Rob them"

"Keep slugs out of your garden by building a tiny slug-sized amusement park next to it with slow safe rides."

"How does Bob Marley like his donuts? After a couple of spliffs."

"I never wear red because I don't want to anger any bulls disguised as cab drivers or businessmen."

"What's 16 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Obama's Tie."

"The ladies call me ""Tarzan"" in bed... ... because my sexual adventures are all in [Vines.](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vine_%28service%29)"

"Trying to nurture my inner bully to stay motivated. So far, all I've succeeded in doing is stealing my own lunch money."