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Joke of the Day

"My friends think I'm weird for sleeping with a full size body pillow It's just a lot more rare to find a dead midget."

"What's it like to have a social life? Asking for a friend."

"The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean."

"My car can only go 68... if it goes 69 the engine blows a rod."

"Viagra shipment stolen... Hardened criminals on the loose."

"What do you call someone who hasn't heard about Pokemon go Amish"

"An atom loses an electron, another atom asks 'You sure?' I'm positive."

"An unconvincing lie on a resume I good English speak."

"I broke my finger today - but on the other hand I am completely fine."

"My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating. There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon"