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Joke of the Day

"Impatient means she's restlessly eager, inpatient means she lives in a mental hospital... Learned that one the hard way."

"I've wanted to have a conversation with my wife about getting each of us Segways to ride around town in... But whenever I bring it up she always changes the topic."

"He is on that bird call website a lot. - My Mom describing me on twitter to older relatives at get-togethers."

"I received an envelope full of semen today The mail came"

"What's a Jawa's favorite kind of pasta? Rotini!"

"Why do sovereign citizens never turn on the lights? The sound of electricity triggers their PTSD."

"I asked a Jewish person what they do in their spare time Apparently Hebrews."

"This jokes called, ""Chumbawama"" and it starts out really nice, but if you want to know the punch-line..... Hey...buy the rights."

"What goes ""Clop clop clop, bang bang bang, clop clop clop""? An Amish drive-by shooting."

"A gingerbread man sits inside a gingerbread house. Is the house made of flesh? Or is he made of house? He screams, for he does not know."